Photo by Matheus Ferrero on Unsplash

Hello again, readers! I’m a relationship coach and I help people who are engaging in infidelity deal with their feelings, clarify what they want, and make decisions that are truly right for them — without shame, blame, or judgments. This is the last part of a five-part advice series, and in this one I’m going to ask you to consider a very important question.

If you could wave a magic wand and have your infidelity situation completely resolved in the most satisfactory manner possible for you, what would that look like?

A lot…


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Welcome back! I’m a relationship coach and I help people who are engaging in infidelity deal with their feelings, clarify what they want, and make decisions that are truly right for them — without shame, blame, or judgments. This is the fourth part of a five-part advice series, and this one pertains to a topic a lot of people struggle with: dealing with other people’s feelings.

If you are in a situation that involves infidelity, especially if there are marriages and families and children involved, you may be pretty concerned about how your affair (or your infidelity situation, whatever it…


Photo by Hermes Rivera on Unsplash

Hello again, everyone. I’m a relationship coach and I help people who are engaging in infidelity deal with their feelings, clarify what they want, and make decisions that are truly right for them. This is the third installment in a five-part advice series, and this time, it’s all about dealing with discomfort.

When you’re cheating on our partner — or engaging in anything you think counts as infidelity — you’re pretty much guaranteed to experience some discomfort. Probably a LOT of discomfort. And by discomfort, I mean any feeling you don’t particularly like to feel.


Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

Hello again, readers! I’m a relationship coach and I specialize in helping people who are engaging in infidelity deal with complicated feelings, clarify what they want, and make decisions they feel good about.

This is the second installment of a five-part series containing advice, questions, and exercises designed to help you think about your infidelity situation from a different perspective.

It’s not unusual for people who are cheating on their partners (or otherwise engaging in infidelity) to come to me and say something to the effect of, “I’m doing something that I know is wrong and I really need to…


Photo by Ian Schneider on Unsplash

Hello readers! I’m a relationship coach and I specialize in helping people who are engaging in infidelity deal with complicated feelings, clarify what they want, and make decisions they feel good about. Often, I work with people who are pretty conflicted about cheating. This five-part series contains advice, questions, and exercises designed to help you cut through confusion and start to find some clarity.

Important side note: I am not trying to imply that if you’re cheating, you feel conflicted about it. Plenty of people cheat and feel fine about it — or better than fine. …


The Doctor will see you now

Sometimes we need to ditch our habitual ways of thinking

Photo credit: @natsharenee.photography

There are times in life when we find ourselves facing a big decision, or a whole set of big decisions. Such as…

  • Do I want to leave my marriage and try to make my relationship with my affair partner “official”?
  • Do I want to end things with my affair partner and reinvest in my marriage?
  • Do I want to quit feeling guilty about my pattern of infidelity and commit to an approach of “cheating to stay married”?
  • Do I want to renounce love and sex forever and go live on a mountaintop with a medium-sized herd of goats?

And sometimes…


Cheating can serve some strange purposes in our lives

Photo credit: Mia Harvey

People cheat for all kinds of reasons

Sometimes we’re pretty conscious of our reasons for cheating — or some of them, anyway — and sometimes our reasons for cheating aren’t totally clear to us.

Sometimes, one of the reasons we cheat is that the excitement and danger and drama of the whole business is intoxicating in and of itself, above and beyond or in addition to our feelings for whomever we’re engaging with.

And this does not have to be a bad thing! …


I hear you, Beth! Sometimes the pain of loss stays with us for a long time. Does the pain feel like part of the beauty of life to you, or does it feel hard to bear?


In a word, yes. But then what?

Photo by Noah Silliman on Unsplash

After they’ve gone

Sometimes clients seek my assistance because they’ve had an affair, and the affair is over… but they miss their affair partner TERRIBLY.

Like, excruciatingly, intensely, I-can’t-think-of-anything-but-them-and-I-can’t-concentrate-on-anything-other-than-my-pain-for-more-than-two-seconds terribly.

And whenever I talk to folks in this situation, my heart goes out to them, because missing someone you love and have been separated from is such a singular experience of pain.

And often, missing an affair partner is a very PRIVATE experience of pain. Maybe your affair was a secret, and no one but you and your affair partner knew about it… and now that it’s over, no one knows about your…


Sometimes the evidence is incontrovertible. But sometimes it isn’t.

Here’s the good news and the bad news. There aren’t any 100% certain, telltale signs that your partner is definitely cheating on you.

Sometimes where there’s smoke there really is fire.

Sometimes a change in your partner’s behavior, such as them starting to work late on a regular basis, or spending more time in their home office with the door closed (i.e., to chat with an affair partner, or to look for an online romance) is indeed a sign that something is amiss.

But sometimes people really do have to work late. Sometimes people do take up new exercise routines…

Marie Murphy, Ph.D.

Relationship coach, specializing in helping people who are engaging in infidelity make decisions. No shame, blame, or judgements. www.mariemurphyphd.com

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